Adoption Ain't Easy

So I thought that going the adoption route would be much easier than being pregnant. I wouldn't have to deal with morning sickness, pregnancy brain, or being extra emotional. My body would be just fine and I could sit back and wait for all the paperwork to be done and the green light to bring my boys home. Boy, was I wrong.

I have found that I actually have my own sort of morning sickness... I don't deal with extreme amounts of stress well. I can handle a classroom full of 20 five year olds but give me a long list of items to do and a short timeline to do them in and I'm done for. All this stress is actually upsetting my stomach and making it so that I often feel sick after meals which makes me not want to eat. The one silver lining to this is that I've lost 5 lbs, so it's not all bad. :-)

I have so many things to do that I have "paper pregnant" brain. I can't remember what the date is, what's on my schedule and when things are due. Talking to me at the end of the day might not get you anywhere because I have lost my ability to think by 5pm...some days even earlier.

I can cry at the drop of a hat provided you say the right thing or catch me at the right time. Tell me that I've done my home study or USCIS paper work wrong and I'm done for. Show me a picture or video of orphaned children and I'm a gonner. And never, under any circumstance allow me to listen to "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline when I'm alone.

So maybe I didn't escape some of the down sides of being pregnant, but I do think that my unique situation has so many blessings that I'm not sure I would get if I was pregnant. For one, to watch others sacrificially give so that we can bring these boys home blows me away. It is costing others something and yet they are cheerfully blessing us and our boys by making sacrifices to expand God's kingdom.

One family gave us their tax return! I know how many people look forward to that tax return so they can buy something they couldn't afford otherwise or to help pay for a vacation. Tax returns seem to be "fun" money we allow ourselves to splurge with. And yet this family chose to "splurge" on our boys. (It makes me cry with gratitude when I think of it...I told you I'm extra emotional)

I get to watch the church/kingdom expand by 7 children who currently live on the other side of the world. If I had my own biological child I would take it for granted that the child would know God and learn to follow Him. These 7 little Ugandan children might not have the priviledge of following the King if they didn't get adopted into Christian homes and instead aged out of the system and were turned out onto the streets of Kampala.

I get to see God work in amazing ways. God works in amazing ways every day but we don't stop to take notice. The fact that a woman's body can make and hold a precious little child inside is a miracle. But it is a miracle that we see happening all the time. Therefore, we don't always stop to think about how amazing it is. I know that if I were pregnant I would have days, weeks, if not months where I wouldn't even think about how God was working and knitting my baby together. But through adoption I see how amazing it is that God knits the whole story together in a way that only He can so that He alone can get the glory. It opens my eyes and draws me closer to Him.

Lastly, I'm learning again and again what it means to depend on and follow God daily. Only He can make this all work and get it all done in time for us to go to Uganda in July. Only He can make sure the judge grants us the children. Only He can bring us through this stress. I cannot make it through my day without prayer and dependance on Him. I think God knew that I "needed" to adopt so that I could have a much fuller picture of His adoption of us and a stronger dependance on Him.

So while adoption ain't easy I think that this is exactly what God has called us (Morgan and I) to do and I wouldn't have it any other way.